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02 October 2006 at 22:46

das status report

STATUS REPORT.

Weight gain - 1 kilogram. Not a lot when you think of all the sausages, cake, and full-fat cheese.

Serotonin levels - high. Possibly too high. Yesterday I told a 75 year old woman she had a nice bum.

Stress and rage levels - still within the law. Not homicidal.

Bathroom taps - shiny and clean.

Bathroom sink - I left some slight water drops on the porcelain yesterday, but there was no inspection that day and I got away with it.

Jaw muscles - sore, from all the clenching and from speaking German for two weeks - all that spitting and throat-clearing.

Sleep stats - getting about 12 hours every day. It's the only way to get some time to yourself. After lunch I yawn theatrically and take a nap for a couple of hours. At night I go to bed early. I awake at about 5, but fake sleep till 8. I daren't turn on the light, or the door would fly open and the interrogations begin. I forgot to tell you, all the bedroom doors are glass, so even wanking is off the menu.

Only six more days to go, then I'll hit the bunker again.

What a fortunate creature I'll be!

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Let's hope the 75 year old with the nice bum had it clothed at the time, but with the glass doors in the bedroom, etc., who knows? It's when you start fancying the mannequins in the shop windows that you know you're in trouble. Try some Paulaner weissbier. That would help! Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wow, eating and sleeping...good!
So, you speak German? How cool.
Glass bedroom doors? That is interesting! hmmmmm

Just think how beautiful you are becoming with all that beauty sleep!  

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Blogger ion said...

The Teutons must've seen those little plaques in the aeroplane toilets asking you to wipe down the bowl 'as a courtesy to the next user'. Rather worrying that it's taken so far, but the sleeping sounds very healthy.  

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Blogger Lelly said...

Your HNT is a swizz, Rob!  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Actually, not a promising post. I'll get the creekit bat from Brian Wilson and kill them both for a small fee. Why can't you put your head into ra bliss, far less ra ecstasy? Maybe wasting your time being a flatheid. But just pay for the flights and the two wee houses of your inheritance can be yours! Soon. This will help. Hotboy. I assume these josephines don't meditate either. Dearie me!  

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