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29 July 2006 at 20:20

religious leader returns from exile

Religious leader Madyamika Hotbolla has made a triumphant return to the UnHeard Of Islands from exile in Scotland.

A crowd of fanatical supporters lined the beaches of the main island, to witness the homecoming of the buddhist fundamentalist cleric.


His holiness the Madyamika - a title meaning literally "bliss artist" - emerged from his chartered boat looking tired and emotional.

At a press conference, he rejected allegations that his arrival may trigger a holy war against the legitimate Samsaran government of the islands. But then he made this veiled threat - "people who don't do the bliss will not survive".

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Long live penguin power! Two flippers good: no flippers, ha, ha, ha! Hotboy  

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Blogger lecram sinun said...

Too funny! LOL!  

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Blogger ray ray winston said...

is this going into a book of yours or hotbolla's?

it should. it sounds like a great start to one anyways  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say,

I can verify that Hotboy makes an excellent 'bliss artist'.

MM III  

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Blogger robmcj said...

ray ray - but only history will reveal what kind of book. Could turn into a southern hemisphere War and Peace. I don't have the stomach to write the chapters on branding and gnashing of teeth, will you do them?

MM - you certainly get around. Don't you worry about all that jet fuel screwing the environment?  

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Blogger JuTaW said...

interesting blog.... pretty funny stuff!


anyway thanks for visiting my blog...i doubt there will be an impeachment though....  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I wish I had those adorable supporters come welcome me home!  

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Blogger robmcj said...

JuTaw - good point, perhaps he'll fall on his sword? ;)

LA - The pec machine is my favourite at the gym. I'm going need a support bra too.  

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Post a Comment

27 July 2006 at 17:00

HNT turnip head

I dredged the archives of my life for another vegetarian HNT clicky pic.

While growing up I didn't often see the humorous side of my father, mainly because of the hostilities between us. But towards the end of his life we called a ceasefire, and I visited him at his wee island cottage.

Every evening he went out to the pub, while I would stay at his place until he returned after closing time. On Halloween, he disappeared to the pub as usual. Late that night, I was sitting watching TV when the electricity suddenly went off, the door opened slowly, and a turnip lantern appeared in the doorway, going "woooo" and swaying unsteadily in mid-air.

In some countries I believe it would have been a hollowed-out pumpkin, but in Scotland the tradition is to use a turnip instead. Cheaper too. You put a candle inside, and the light shines out through the eyes and mouth.

I enjoyed my father's little joke, and next day I insisted we take a photo. You can used to be able to click on the pic to zoom out and see the family resemblance.




I regret my old man didn't live long enough to see all the letters after my name. Rob McJ, H.N.T., O.C.D., N.P.D. and R.D.D.

HNT_1

If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.

Blogger lily said...

What a delightful tale. I may have to try that this halloween. HHNT!  

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Blogger Mommyof3 said...

Thanks for sharing! HHNT  

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Blogger Suze said...

Rob, that is a sweet story. I rememeber sitting carving out turnips when I was younger.

Did you eat the raw turnip you extracted? I did, no wonder I was so windy for days after. LOL

Happy HNT sweetie ;)  

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Blogger Sexy Duet said...

I knew there had to be something better to do with turnips then eating them - great story!
Happy HNT

Ms SD  

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Blogger Crimson said...

What a neat post :) HHNT!  

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Blogger Lelly said...

Lovely story and pics Rob. HHNT! (Too busy to post or visit blogchums regularly at the moment, but like to keep an eye on my favourites...and yes, I will be copying and pasting this comment, well apart from the reference to 'Rob'!)  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! The tumshie looks as if it's been tortured and forced to confess! Was it a relative of the swede who got to the quarter final? Anyway, your dad must have a real barrel of laughs, eh? Going to the pub every night would have helped! Hotboy  

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Blogger lime said...

oh i've heard of hollowed out turnips but never seen one. fun shot ! thank you for sharing it and the story as well. HHNT  

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Blogger cinders said...

Aw, what a sweet tribute.

Happy HNT!  

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Blogger LEE ANN said...

Oh, I love this picture of you and your dad.

I love that your dad had such a great sense of humor....woooooo

Thanks for sharing Rob. Oh, I have some of those letters after my name too!

Happy HNT!  

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Blogger keda said...

brilliant! what a lovely post. and the resemblance is uncanny ;)
happy hnt babe.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Lelly - "...and yes, I will be copying and pasting this comment" - I know, I already recognised your comment from Lecram's place. Nothing wrong with that. Some of us (not me) have real jobs so we have to streamline our blogging. Hope things settle down some time so you can blog some more.

Suze - I am still experiencing the after-effects of eating raw turnip then.

LA - we should set up an Institute of OCD, to regulate the award of qualifications.  

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Blogger Solitaire said...

That is very cool!

The painting on my post is something I found when I google image searched the word "good bye" I like google image searching emotions or phrases... I get better results.

:-)  

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Blogger capnbagwash said...

Hpt Boy, what is a tumshie please?  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

The likeness between the three of you is uncanny.

Unfortunately, Cabbage's turnip seeds failed again, this year.

MM III  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Post a Comment

25 July 2006 at 08:46

I could have sworn I used to have some problems

After a day and an evening of teaching yesterday at the McDonald Island Institute, powered by much tea and little food, today I'm too clapped out to do anything useful. I've been reading Raising Yousuf, a blog by a woman from Gaza. One interesting post dates from her visit to America:

When I thanked Peter for welcoming us [to Connecticut] he joked that Americans needed Palestinians to liberate them “from the Israeli occupation of the U.S.”





Many years ago, in the days before email, my friend hotboy wrote me a letter, signing off with the words "May all your problems be tiny little non-existent ones." I've just realised, it's come true - my problems are insignificant compared with most people's. Even compared with hotboy's. What a fortunate creature I am!





Google returns exactly one entry for "McDonald Island Institute", so my employer almost qualifies as a GoogleWhack. According to the rules, a Googlewhack is any pair of words that returns a single Google result. Of course, now that I've mentioned "McDonald Island Institute" here, Google will include this post and return 2 results. Doh!





I've given up trying to work around the IE bug that sometimes hides the bottom half of this web page. But I'm in good company - even Microsoft have given up trying to fix IE version 6, and are now counting on the upcoming IE v 7.

Till then, doing a RestoreDown/Maximize will bypass this problem whenever it occurs in IE.

Thanks for your patience. Or you could upgrade to Firefox. You'd never go back to IE.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I've got a problem with this bug thing and the E1 stuff and the firefox. I've no idea what it all means. Is this a problem? If I'm the only one who has it that would be a big help! Hotboy  

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Blogger keda said...

so so true... update to firefox and you never go back! now there's an ad worth reading ;)  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Hey, just stopping in to say hi to one of my favorite Scotsmen before going to bed.
~xo  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - it's hard to know where to begin.

keda - I've been hoping that the sidebar problem you encountered a while back has not returned.

LA - one of? ;)  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

Hotboy should ask any passing eight-year-old for technological advice. I've tried to advise him in the past, but its rather a losing cause.

Personally, I'm not so keen on Firefox. It seems to crash Acrobat, and some nice things available via IE don't work. That said, it has some other features.

My, my, this is a technical comment.

MM III  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! I'm coming down to the Unheard of Island for the last two weeks of my holidays. The Narcissistic Personality Disorder est moi! Also, I am completely useless, know the meaning of no acronyms, and don't understand anything except quack quack. But I hope to arrive with my bad attitude and one or two guns tomorrow. Look forward to a list of my demands. Nothing can help you now! Hotboy  

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Blogger Tricia said...

I use both mozilla and IE.

You seem to have a good handle on life doll. Problems can seem overwhelming at times, but a man of wisdom and intelligence can see beyond himself and appreciate the gifts he has been given. I admire that in you so much. That and your adorable humor. What would life be without it?  

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Blogger ray ray winston said...

that's funny! i thought you fixed that problem for a while but it came back.

i have ff but it never works!

maybe something about the automatic wi-fi detection, any suggestions?  

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Blogger robmcj said...

RR - yes, the problem had fixed itself. Now it's unfixed itself. Don't know what to suggest re FF.  

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Post a Comment

20 July 2006 at 19:35

HNT - trust, chocolate, etc.

Someone asked me the other day "hey rob, what's happened to your Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Are you cured?"

Well no, I'm not. And to prove I'm still a victim of NPD, here's another self-indulgent true story (but remember every true story contains a wee lie.) And there's an HNT pic at the end.

Once upon a time, in another century and in another country, I had an entanglement with the nation's darling. Here's how it happened.

For years I had been living with Angie, a good woman but not the woman for me. Nor was I right for her. Not brave enough to separate, we were still living together but we were very remote from each other, and we lived celibately. But Angie had stuck by me through very tough times, and I wasn't about to repay her loyalty by doing the dirty on her. So, although I enjoyed having several women friends, I was scrupulously celibate.

For instance, I went on holiday overseas with a woman friend). I squared it first with Angie, assuring her that there would be no funny business on the holiday. Perhaps I was naive, but when we got to the hotel and checked into a twin room and the friend leapt on me expecting a week of illicit sex, I was shocked. What kind of a person would I have to have been, to assure Angie it was platonic then bonk behind her back?

Anyway, you get the picture - I ran my life according to principles. It was my way of making the best of my life with Angie.



Then one day I fell under the spell of the nation's darling, and developed my new morning routine. I would get up when Angie came home from her night job, and we'd chat and have a cup of tea. Exhausted from work, she would then tumble into bed while it was still warm from me. And I would switch on breakfast TV just in time to watch the ND read her last bulletin.

Why do I call her "the nation's darling"? Well for a while, she was a national institution. All over the country, unemployed males with no real reason to get up in the morning would set their alarm clocks and drag themselves out of bed before dawn, simply to gape at the ND as she read the breakfast news headlines and weather forecast, in her uniquely fluffy and alluring way.


Artist's impression of the ND
supplied by Mamahog


At 9 a.m., the end-credits rolled across the screen, signalling three things: the end of the news; the start of kids' programmes; and the ND jumping in a taxi to appear at my house 10 minutes later, where we would spend the morning helping each other with our personal growth. No, that's not a euphemism ....

The ND would ring the doorbell, I would open the door ("Ssh! Don't wake Angie"), and this bubbly gorgeous intelligent person would come into my life for the day. What kind of things did we do, while Angie slept? We massaged each other. We did mutual counselling. Told stories. Went walking. I suppose we flirted, if that word means anything in this century. Went out for lunch. In the street, heads would turn, and I don't think it was me they were looking at.

She was very exciting company, sometimes too exciting for a man who had just recently had a brush with death and disability and was still emerging from the shock, and trying to get his health back. How can I put it? To use an Aussie saying, she had a few kangaroos loose in her top paddock.

Then my old man got cancer, and I visited him in the terminal ward. Self-centred as I was, all I could think of saying was "do the nurses let you watch the TV news? Look out for my friend the ND." Crazily, I wanted to add "I'm going to marry her (then you'll finally be impressed with me)."

Technically, the ND and I didn't ever consummate our relationship, partly due to my own suspicious nature and inability to trust someone so attractive and off-the-wall, who I knew had broken several hearts. And partly because of my old-fashioned reserve, self-control and notion of fidelity. Not to mention the impotence.

Looking back, I think she and I redefined the word platonic. For example, on the day my father died, while everyone else ran around arranging the funeral, the ND and I spent the afternoon naked on her floor, doing massage. That's one way to get over the death of a parent. Months later, we slept together in my father's house, scaring each other with spooky imagined sightings of his ghost. I bathed her and caressed her. I could go on, but you get the picture. And in my mind, I wasn't being unfaithful to Angie because I never had sex with the ND. Is that Clintonesque thinking?



Anyway, one day when I was telling the ND how important healthy eating and living was to me, in my recovery from cancer, she interrupted me and said "why don't you just relax and eat lots of chocolate?"

Stunned, I thought: how can I trust this woman any more? She wants me to eat junk. She just doesn't get it.

We drifted apart, and the last time I heard from her she was asking me to sign her out from the psychiatric ward (they wouldn't let her out otherwise). Maybe she trusted me because I was one of the few men who hadn't tried to eff her over.

Looking back now, I think perhaps in its own way her exciting friendship helped me start to really live again.

The point now is, I've stayed healthy by eating nothing but healthy food ever since. And I never eat sweets or burgers, or drink cola. That was until last week, when I bought a monster size bar of Cadbury's Fruit and Nut chocolate. And I ate just one bit every day. Now I'm up to half a bar a day, with plans to ramp that up further. But it's okay, because everything's just balancing out. For many years I never ate any chocolate; now I'm making up for lost time. I'm perfectly balanced.

I tried moving on to Cadbury's Flake.


But it's not for me. Flakes just crumble on the tongue and give up all they have to offer in one huge immediate hit, whereas I'm into deferred gratification. I like the Tantric taste of a square of cold hard chocolate, that melts slowly in your mouth to sustain the ecstasy.

What's your diagnosis?



PS - This is a freelance Taoist blog. Every true story contains a wee lie. The lie here is that the photo of the ND is not actually of the ND, but it's the closest image I could find, reproduced with permission from a blog post by the dazzling keda.

PPS - And every lie contains a grain of truth.

PPPS - What is the difference between the Iraq War and the Vietnam War?
Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War.



HNT_1

If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Don't tell me it was Sue Lawley! I had the hots for her when she was in Nationwide all those years ago. My druggie chums thought that was really weird! If you were rolling around naked on the carpet with her, I'd take my hat off to you! Don't tell me you don't have the photies! That would definitely help! Hotboy p.s. I'm not surprised she went mad. Brian Wilson turned someone into a lesbian by behaving like that!  

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Anonymous alastair said...

Frank Bough ?

In drag.

As apparently he often was.  

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Blogger Phain said...

very entertaining...and Keda as a bonus! *~*Happy HNT*~*  

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Blogger keda said...

i was about start complaining that i don't look anything like sue lawley... until i saw alastairs comment..

FRANK BOUGH IN DRAG?????????!!!!!

i look nothing like him. bloody cheek.

excellent story darling. fabulous :)  

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Blogger robmcj said...

hotboy, I had the Sue Lawley thing too. So prim yet knowing, carnal, mischievious. Was it the drugs we were on?

alastair - lol

I'll say this once. It's not Sue Lawley. And I'm too much of a gentleman to say any more on the subject.  

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Blogger WDKY said...

I don't think Keda looks anything like Eamonn Holmes, actually.  

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Blogger lime said...

lol. great story. since i don't know UK announcers i can only speak to the chocolate. i am quite the devotee. it's health food darling. antioxidants which are cancer fighters. flavonoids which are good for heart health. it also prevents plaque buildup on teeth. all in moderation of course. and the darker the choccy the better.

oh, and did i mentin that someday before i die i want to batje in a vat of melted chocolate... lol ok, weird, but i do.

HHNT  

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Blogger Bekah said...

Wow, interesting story. I don't know if I could do all those things with someone else and not be intimate with them. That would be a challange.

Happy HNT!  

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Blogger lecram sinun said...

Great write there my friend. I've had similar encounters like yours... and really am the better for it! Cheers and Happy Hnt!  

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Blogger Schadeboy said...

Being a full-blooded American Male Guy, I have no problem stating that I have no idea who you are referring to. And I have to also admit that I'm not very fond of Cadbury chocolate. But I do like Reese's a lot.

Happy HNT.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wow, That is a beautiful story Rob. If it is true, you are such an honorable man....If the story is not true, then it is a wonderful story!
I am into deferred gratification as well!
Happy HNT!
looks yummy
~xo  

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Blogger robmcj said...

lecram - tell us about it

lee ann - it's all true except the picture is of keda. I didn't even have the good sense to take some compromising photos.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

lime - I have the same desire, but in a bath of custard.  

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Blogger keda said...

and i still look nothing like frank bough!

(i do also have a similar story about a now famous actor.. good memories) maybe one day i'll spill.

yes please do scan and mail me a couple of the best pages from the neck book.

mamahog@gmail.com cheers babe.  

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Anonymous alastair said...

aaarghh

my jest about frank bough was a guess at your breakfast newsreader chum

of course it was not a comment on the picture of the beautiful keda

as one of those males who gaped at the nation's darling, I know who your mystery gal is - she was very beautiful - but not quite as dishy as keda

am I forgiven??  

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Blogger Suze said...

Very interesting post. I'm sorry to be late to the party. I came over yesterday and your page would not load properly, the comments part of the page did not display.

Today it took an age to load but I got there in the end. I think there could be a problem with rendering in IE version 6.

Happy Belated HNT sweetie ;)  

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Blogger robmcj said...

alastair - it's keda's call. BTW, can you keep the identity under your hat? Or rather keda's hat.

suze - yes, there's always been an intermittent IE problem, or rather my page's problem under IE. I've given up trying to fix it, and am now counting on IE v 7. Till then, doing a minimize/maximize will bypass the bug. My apologies meantime.  

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Blogger keda said...

you called me dishy!! definately forgiven ;)  

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Blogger Lelly said...

WIERD!!! In a bid to get your comments I clicked and scrolled on your page and your pic of (the extremely lovely) Keda turned into that photie of you with the stitches round your neck!
I agree with Lime, you really should regard chocolate as a health food and Cadbury's is FAR superior to Reeces (eeeurgh) Although as Lime said the really good-for-you stuff is 70 - 80% cocoa mass with no dairy(eeeurgh...far too sophisticated for my common taste-buds!) 'Green & Blacks' is a good brand.
Was it Ulrika-ka-ka??? Can see a similarity with Keda )although Keda-da-da is far more beautiful and MUCH younger)Was it? Was it???  

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Blogger Lelly said...

I've spelt wierd/weird wrong again, haven't I?  

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Blogger robmcj said...

lelly - because I share your affliction, I can't judge which spelling is right without looking it up. I agree that the hard stuff is unbearable. Fruit and Nut is my favourite so far, but I'm still learning.  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

Bloger is having one of its 'days'. Just left a comment, but it went into the abyss.

"..when we got to the hotel and checked into a twin room and the friend leapt on me expecting a week of illicit sex, I was shocked." Absolutely the expected reaction from a gentleman like yourself.

It wasn't Reggie Bosanquet, by any chance, was it?

I was reading the other day about the time when he couldn't complete the news after reading out a story about a cat rescued from up a tree by the army, as the fire brigade was on strike at the time. Unfortunately, the army truck ran the cat over when it left the scene.

Sad story. No wonder he couldn't continue.

MM III  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

"...when we got to the hotel and checked into a twin room and the friend leapt on me expecting a week of illicit sex..."

Forgive me for dwelling on this one, but isn't there a missing thread here? What happened to the lady in question?

MM III  

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Blogger robmcj said...

MM - I thought you'd got caught up in a trouble spot somewhere. Yes, there is a whole nother thread there, but I thought my verbiage was already stretching the goodwill of my esteemed visitors. Good Reggie story. Wonder if there's any Reggie video footage on the cybersphere.  

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Post a Comment

19 July 2006 at 18:11

bliss

I've invested in a wee book about fixing your own neck, with exercises that I have to do every two hours. So far it's working. Huzzah! But it says I should stay off the PC until I learn how to type without looking down.

Being pain free is Bliss. Suddenly, even the most mundane activities are a buzz. I enjoyed watching Teletubbies today, and couldn't understand why I had never watched it before.



I emailed the sick woman I know:

An old friend in Scotland, who has been meditating for twenty years and does several hours a day, has offered to "sponsor" me, in that he'll match every hour of my meditation for you, with two of his own. That's a bargain I can't refuse. So you're in both our thoughts on an ongoing basis, and who knows, it might help a little. Love from Rob McJ.



I shouldn't do this, there's enough cheap shots at Islam on the web already, but here goes anyway. I heard two Muslim jokes today, one of them was told by a Muslim. Can you guess which one?



Islam is actually the most peaceful religion on Earth. Since Mike Tyson became a Muslim he hasn't won a single fight.



A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"
Customer says, "Female"
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
Customer says, "White"
Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"
Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up."

Blogger Lelly said...

Hope the neck continues to get better Rob! And those jokes...tsk! :) I'm guessing the Mike Tyson one was told by the Muslim?  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Your comment thing was broken, but ...your neck must be okay now. What are the exercises for your neck? Do you hang a weight from your head and move your head up and down? Mike Tyson used to do that. Do you want to arrange a fight with him down on the beach? That might not be a help. Hotboy  

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Anonymous robmcjatwork said...

HB - I'm at work just now so am not free to hanging things off the body.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I am glad your neck is getting better. I do feel your pain, I am sorry.
Teletubbies is a little bit of strangeness! Very colorful though!  

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Blogger keda said...

brilliant! can you send me the books isbn please :)  

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Blogger robmcj said...

keda and anyone else interested - the wee book is "Treat Your Own Neck" by Robin McKenzie (who also invented the McKenzie roll). The ISBN is 0473002094, or let me know if you want me to scan you a few key pages.  

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Post a Comment

18 July 2006 at 10:19

the road to damascus

Are we really watching the start of World War 3 (or 4 if you count the Cold War)?

What is going on in the Middle East? And why? And how can it be fixed? My colleagues at the McDonald Island Institute tell me that, if you leave aside the last 50 years and forget about trying to apportion blame, the recent events actually make a lot of sense.

Remember the way that arab society works - tribal sheiks are the focal point of power (decision-making, grievance-handling, the legal system, wealth distribution, welfare etc.) The system works well, but it relies on maintaining the honour and status of the sheik.

Syria can be viewed as a sheik in macrocosm. Syria lost face when it was recently kicked out of Lebanon in disgrace. Syria is also on Bush's "axis of evil" black list. So it is grieving for its lost status as power-broker in the region.

How can Syria regain its status in the world (at least in its own eyes)? That's simple - first they get Hezbollah to provoke Israel into a war. Why?

Because this will force the international community to go to Syria and beg it to fix the problem (by calling off Hezbollah). A deal will be done, and Israel will bow to the demands to free prisoners, just as they have done after previous disputes. A great result for Syria, which is rehabilitated as a sheik on the world stage. In addition, Syria might take the opportunity to say "see what happened when we weren't around any more to run things in Lebanon?"

The brilliant Robert Fisk, who lives in Lebanon and has observed the area for 30 years, reckons that if it all goes according to the Syrian agenda, that is exactly what will happen after a few more days or weeks of slaughter on both sides. Of course, there is more to it than this, and people like the U.S.A. or Iran may yet screw up the Syrian power play.

Where I live, the breakaway regime on the other side of Heard Island has already developed a bunker system, disguised as a bliss cave. Unless they agree to shelter me and the visitors to this blog, I may have to provoke them into an attack, then get Spud and friends to clobber them and take their caves.

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Interesting analysis! How about Syria getting the shit blown out of it by Israel and Israel bombing the nuke facilities in Iran? The folk who sell oil will love this! Also, with oil prices really high, Scotland can go independent and we'll all be rich. Rich, I tell you! Oil at 80 dollars a barrel definitely helps us. Hotboy p.s. Declaring war on the US during the last World War was a wee mistake you made then. If Syria are pulling Hezbollah's strings, they've lost the plot!!!  

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Blogger J said...

And you wondered why we have two hundred thousand troops stationed in Iraq...  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - Israel won't touch Syria. For one thing, they don't need to, when they've already got what you pugilists call a punchbag in Lebanon.

Bush has lost the plot even more than the usual. We still got further than the U.S. in the World Cup.

Is your oil still flowing? I thought Thatcher had drunk it all long ago.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! The oil companies tell lies! They say there's hardly any there to keep the taxes down. Alexis Sayle did a train journey show through Syria. There are six different kinds of secret police there. There was a great shot of pairs of secret policemen following each other around! Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

It is all very disturbing...every aspect of it!

Ok, something very simple:
Live by the Golden Rule!
...treat others as you wish to be treated

I know that sounds simple, but just think what the world would be like if everyone minded that rule!
~xo  

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Blogger robmcj said...

LA - I used to try and live by that rule. I eventually realised no-one else was doing it back, but I still try.  

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Blogger keda said...

ugh. interesting analysis yes.
its terrifying frankly though. and after speaking with friends who's families are trapped in beirut i began thinking of a debunk to your neck 'o the woods.  

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Post a Comment

16 July 2006 at 07:49

trying to help

A woman I know is very sick, and hotboy has generously offered to help me meditate for her. Every hour that I meditate, he'll match with 2 hours of his own meditations.

On Friday I started the meditation program. I thought I'd start with something easy, just 15 minutes lying flat and thinking well of her.

Well, it wasn't that easy. I was trying to still the inner chatter, when I noticed that my upper arms wanted to punch someone's face in, and my fingers wanted to strangle somebody. Well, I breathed that one away, but then I noticed the forearms wanted to rip someone's throat out. By the time I dissolved that thought, it was time for some mental blogging, visualising a beer, etc.

Over the entire 15 minutes, I probably managed 3 whole breaths where I thought of nothing else. Pathetic! I'll have to ask hotboy for advice. I wonder if he recommends masturbating before meditation, or after.

Today I had slightly more success. I lay in a hot bath (that may be cheating), and probably managed about 5 whole breaths of relative emptiness. I just hope my sick friend is getting more from hotboy than from me.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Your future lifetimes spent as a fruitfly in one of the most horrible toilets in the galaxy might be getting recinded! If I were you, I'd find some soothing mumbo jumbo to say to myself. But concentrating on the breath is recommended by everyone else. If you try to visualise the josephine (or your mother) that might keep you more alert. Initially, I think the gap between thoughts is where ra bliss will be eventually. Just stick with any method until you feel some unusual mental state. As soon as you recognise it, it'll probably disappear, but that's what you want to re-inforce. Using a mantra means nice feelings will attach to the mantra. When you repeat it later, then nice feelings will arise. I used susquehanna for nine years and still love the sound. Whatever you use, you have to stick with it. You will have access to ra bliss if you do this. If you don't, you won't.Find out where the hit is. This isn't Calvinism. It's punishment and reward. Go for the sweeties! Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I suppose before or after you do it, you should say your dedicating the merit to the woman's good mental health, or something like that. Doing nothing won't help anyone. Hotboy  

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Blogger yep, it's me.... said...

........ interesting  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

That is very interesting. Rob, I am very impressed that you have worked at this and spent time recollecting.
I am sure it is working more than you think!
You have a good heart.
~xo  

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Blogger WDKY said...

Hmmmm. I suspect you're full of anger. Have you tried meditating?

(ROFL)  

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Blogger keda said...

i told you very clearly what to do!!honestly in one ear...

it really does help to visualise something though. either about healing as a concept or your friend. even just thinking about relaxing each and every part of your body bit by bit. from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.

then as you relax think positive thoughts about your friends body and energy. (steady boy!)

i get stuck on other stuff if i try to just go with the breathing too.  

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Post a Comment

13 July 2006 at 09:58

what a relatively fortunate creature I am!

Whenever I get an attack of the screaming neck pain, I visit a chiropractor, a wee lady who uses a magic technique she learned from a guy in New York. She's the only practitioner here who uses the technique, and it always fixes me.

So last week I phoned her to make an appointment. The poor woman is not at all well. She's had an operation for brain cancer, plus radio- and chemo-therapy.

I had a long chat with her, and she asked me to pray for her. I told her that with my religious beliefs, meditation for her recovery would be more appropriate, and she was happy with that. But now I'm going to have to learn meditation, after successfully avoiding it for all these years.

I thought of outsourcing the job to someone else. There's a joe on the other side of the island who meditates a lot, but he has his hands full just meditating for himself and the bereaved pet owners, so he can't take the job. When I asked him to meditate for the recovery of my sore neck, he went all biblical and said "O reject medical student, heal thyself!"

So it looks like I'm going to have to start praying for the wee woman, while doing yoga poses for my neck. That sounds suspiciously like Buddhist meditation. Doh!




Thank you to the commenters who refrained from telling me the football result. I have now seen the video. Alastair asked if I could spot the most appalling moment in the game. Well, the Italians resorted to non-football tactics near the end of the game, but that's nothing new. If they're not faking in the penalty area, they're needling the other team's best penalty kicker.

Of course, Alastair you're quite right, Zidane's headbutt was a little irregular, but it brings up two things:
  1. The use of the video referee has now entered football by stealth.

  2. The real tragedy is that, if Zidane had only known he was going to be red-carded, he could have got in a kick to the goolies. What a missed opportunity to end his career on a high.




My ongoing apologies for my absence from my favourite blogs - but I can at least use the time I'm saving by not HNT-ing today, to check in quickly alastair, hotboy, lee ann, lelly, keda and MM. When the neck pain finally goes away, thank goodness I'll have Bloglines to take me to all the posts I've missed in the meantime.

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger lecram sinun said...

Going to miss you this week... but heal first!  

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Blogger Suze said...

I've missed you but concentrate on getting better before you get excited!

Happy HNT sweetie ;)  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! There's always somebody worse off than yourself! St Teresa prayed till she floated and got tons of ra bliss. Same juju really if you focus ra mind. You might have to join floaters anonymous. Hotboy  

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Blogger Lelly said...

Don't make your neck worse by laughing at this joke:

Sophie Ellis-Bextor has been found head-butted to death in an apartment of a French footballer.

Police say it was murder on Zidane's floor

Get well soon!  

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Blogger keda said...

oh lelly! (groans audibly)

finally i can say it.... SOD THE BLOODY ITALIANS (oops.. tourettes)

bleddyalicebandedf*ckwits!

(breathes deaply...and) i was taught to close my eyes, reach deeply into my heart, go through a rose and bramble covered door into a riverside land where i hop on a boat and ask the boat man to take me across. where i meet the community of healers who give me a cup filled with light (my light was amber and green). i then think of this light and send it out to those who need healing.

you could give that a go?!

(my boatman incidentally looked like ray stevenson.. do you think thats a good or a bad thing? he's pretty tough.. always good to have by your side when fighting the powers of darkness i guess)

glad you feel a little better babe. i hope you feel better soon darling.
i'll have a go at sending over ray with some light for your friend.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

lecram and suze - thanks pals, I've got 3 or 4 HNTs in progress, so I want to get back in the saddle.

keda - I'd like Ray Winstone as a boatman, or Ray Ray Winston. Thanks for the visulaisation outline.

lelly - LOL

HB - glad you made it back from Ling Island.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Okay, she has been a help previously. If you meditate for her, so will I. If you do five minutes, so will I. Just tell me how much you're going to do, and I'll do it too. Actually, I'll do double what you do since you are a flatheid and won't find it as easy as me. Would this help with her grief, sorrow, lamentations ...suffering in this life? Probably not. But it would help you. She must feel very separate just now. It's just a view! Afflictive emotions. Dearie me! Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - thanks for your generous offer. If we do it, I'll let her know. Does the 5 minutes start before or after I calm myself down with the breathing?  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I guess it starts when it starts. That usually helps! Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I do understand Rob. I am sorry you are still burdened with the neck pain. When I had the neck pain, it unfortunately lasted for nearly 2 months. I hope yours heals quicker. The moist heat and neck massages did help me the most.
hugs to you!  

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Post a Comment

10 July 2006 at 09:26

don't tell me who won

The neck pain has pretty much subsided (I appreciated people's good wishes while I was out of it - what a fortunate creature I am!). So I'm trying a tentative post, though still using the cellphone to do most of the text entry.

I tried to watch the third place play off - the nicest thing you can say is that there were a lot of handsome faces (not on the German side, obviously).

The Aussies living here are hoping that Italy wins the final, cos that would mean Australia were only ever beaten by the world chapmpions, so Australia are second in the world.

Here on the islands, where the world cup happens in the middle of the night, TV stations like to mess with your head. They deliberately print the wrong times in the schedules, to make half the nation get out of bed too early, and sit through an hour of build-up (and ads).

My response is to set the video and watch it next day, fast-forwarding through the crap. But everything balances up, and the downside is that twice in the last week, I've been watching as the tape runs out at the 117th or 118th minute!

Well I've done it yet again when I taped the final last night. So until I see the repeat broadcast tonight, I still don't know whether Australia is number two in the world. Oh the suspense!

If I was a racist or a Little Englander, I would draw your attention to the fact that the final is between the very two nations whose World War 2 efforts were most pathetic. Is this progress?

Anonymous alastair said...

Sorry to hear about your pain in the neck troubles.

I won't tell you who won.

I will remind you of Orwell's view that international sport is 'war minus the shooting'. He also said that sport is an unfailing cause of ill-will - provided your tape doesn't run out, you might be able to judge whether he was correct.

I have been watching football assiduously for more than 40 years - tonight I saw something which shocked me. As you watch the re-run see if you can guess what that was.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I am glad your neck pain has gotten better.
I didn't watch it, but I know who won..... I won't tell you.
:)  

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Blogger keda said...

bugger! then i've got nothing to say yet.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! France won! You heard it here first! I didn't watch it though it was on here as well! Bunch of buddhist monks watching the footie. Dearie me! Did you get enough hard drugs to make you think you were in California? No, Tibet won! TV is like real life, and films and dreams. Bunch of lying basturns the lot of them! How's that for enlightment? Don't crick your neck. It won't help. Hotboy  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

I thought that Sri Lanka won. Won the whole series, in fact.

MM III  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

hugs and kisses  

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Post a Comment

04 July 2006 at 16:32

blog holiday

I'm on 2 weeks' holiday, and was looking forward to some serious blogging, but the screaming neck pain has taken hold. I'm typing this on my cellphone, the only way I can do text input just now. Pictures are out of the question. I may even miss this Thursday's HNT action.

I'm hoping that within a few days I'll be able to catch up on all the blogs that I usually read. See you then. If you're American, Happy Independence Day.

Blogger WDKY said...

I'm thrilled an honoured to be the first to wish you better :-)  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Rob, I am sorry you are in pain. I had some serious neck pain a couple months ago. It lasted a few weeks. I was truly concerned that I had done some kind of serious damage. I bought several moist heat packs and a new pillow. I was convinced I would end up having some sort of surgery. Thank goodness it got better.
Try moist heat (they have pads filled with rice or flax that you can heat in the microwave). That does help a lot.
Then take a few shots of tequila!!!! ;)
Seriously, I hope you are feeling better soon.
Thank you for the Independence day wishes.
See, you just need me to be there to take care of you!!
Feel better, hugs to you,
Lee Ann  

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Blogger Lelly said...

Ouch! Know what that's like...no 'pain in the neck' jokes from me...just hope it eases soon!  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Got here between blisses! I was wondering what was up. Hope the pain goes away soon. Don't kick the dog whatever you do. It won't help! Hotboy p.s. Can you claim your holidays back because of being sick? Hope so. Can#tyou get any hard drugs for the pain. That would help!  

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Blogger ray ray winston said...

get better soon. good prediction for the cup, if only for those last few minutes germany would be there.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Just checking in to see how your neck is. Hope you are feeling better!  

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Blogger keda said...

oooh i'm sorry sweetpea!! :(

i know that pain. ouch.
gecmis olsun baby!  

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Post a Comment

02 July 2006 at 07:57

world teams

Even their desperate last-minute dive in the penalty area couldn't save Brazil. France are having a recurrence of their 1998 (and 1982) form, with a team composed of old hands and new blood, and skins of various colours. Is it my imagination, or are the best teams (like France and Australia) multi-ethnic or multi-national? Even Germany has Poles and Slavs and a Ghanian. Contrast that with the white-bread English team, now out of the running. Vive la multiculturalisme! I probably don't actually know what I'm talking about here, but since when did that matter?

Now two surly latin drama queen teams are out of the competition. What a fortunate creature I am! One more to go.

Germany-France for the final, surely?

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! So glad you got over all that aryan nonsense! I suppose eons as a fruit fly after 1945 in the most malodorous toilet in the galaxy would purge you of almost anything. Still, Le Pen said the frogs couldn't empathise with that team because of the black and brown joes in it. Dearie me. They'll win it if they play like tonight. Vive le difference! Or helpful words like that! Hotboy  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say old bean. You don't happen to know where I am, do you?

MM III  

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Blogger rob said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

MM - if 'Doordepurt' is another typo, like with the Potowani wild goose chase, I can't help you. Have you tried asking a policeman?  

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Blogger WDKY said...

I feel too sick even to respond. It's all down to that prat Svenis.

Oh well, the domestic season starts soon, and my new season ticket's arrived. Life will be good again...  

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Blogger hotboy said...

WDKY! Couldn't agree more! If he's played Rooney and Crouch and dropped Lampard, they'd have beaten anyone as long as Beckham stayed on the park! Complete waste of talent! £4 million a year for that? Dearie me!  

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Blogger WDKY said...

Absolutely. But also...

1) Taking Walcott instead of Defoe, and the not even paying him. Not even as sub for 5 minutes, leaving us with a real problem up font. Grrrrr!

2) Playing Hargreaves instead of Carrick, when every single pundit, commentator, and player/manager not involved thought it was lunacy.

I really am sick as a parrot!  

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Blogger keda said...

sod ya.

it was multibloody culturalism that led to the f*ckin turnip manager we ended up with.

and the st perin and all the other cornish tartans rock. as they always have mr f*ckin impertialist himself.
i grew up with little old men wandering around in january in kilts. and i still love it. so stick that in your stinky sporran 'n smoke it.

tablecloth your arse.

normal niceness will be resumed when the rage subsides...  

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Blogger robmcj said...

I say! I haven't the foggiest what you chaps are on about, but it sounds convincing and it ramps up my comment count. I didn't even realise Turkey were in the tournament. Next thing you'll be telling me they have tablecloths there too.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Hello!  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Why do you think I am acting strangely Rob?
I have been going through some tough times lately. I am working things out, hopefully. Hope you will keep visiting! I still love you guys.  

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Post a Comment

01 July 2006 at 17:01

apocalypse soon

Warren Buffett, the world's shrewdest investor has given away his $42-billion fortune, most of it to Bill Gates's foundation.

And a while ago, Bill Gates gave away most of his own billions to the charity. That's great news, but also unnerving. The financial success of these men was based on their uncanny ability to sense the future. When the shrewdest, richest men in the world decide it's time to buy their way into the kingdom of heaven, maybe we should all start saying our prayers.

If only the Boy Dunderhead would do the decent thing and impeach himself for acting unconstitutionally, we might still stand a chance.



Meantime, I'm considering donating this blog to charity, so I've had it valued. You can value your own blog too by following the link.


This blog is worth $3,951.78.
How much is your blog worth?




RaBlissBlog is worth $3,387.24.

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! The philanthropic boy made me proud to want to sell Scotland to the Americans. He said the USA was a meritocrasy. (Of course, his family will be left with a few bob, but ...) Bill gave him his own copy of the Wealth of Nations. Andrew Carnegie (who was a bit of a basturn as well!)(Homestead?)gave away his money too. As soon as I make pots, I'm going to give it away as well. Initially to drug dealers and travel agents, but when I really get pots ... well, I might just keep it! But it would be great to have billions to give away. Just keep a couple of million for pocket money! But what a good thing to do! Fair play to the boy! Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Don't know about your blog since you've got the castration photies and all those cross dressing sexual perversions, but my blog isn't worth the paper it's not written on! If it's worth 3 grand, I'll sell it to you for 2. Hope this helps! Hotboy  

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Blogger yep, it's me.... said...

mine was only worth 42 cents,

.27 for spelling my heading correctly [they don't know I MEANT to type in the mathematical expression 'PI']
.13 for the excessive use of [ ]
and
.02 for posting hnt on thursday  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say Mr RobMcJ!

What an extremely wonderful gesture of you to donate your delightful blog to posterity.

I would very much like to donate the England cricket team, and the England footers team, to the same cause, but I fear they would not contribute half as much in terms of collateral.

As I pass out with the exertions of trying to drink my current establishment dry (Reception reports that supplies are running short, but I think that that is wishful thinking on their behalf, after all the shouting during the footers, etc., and in any case, I have not yet investigated the mini bar), can I just say that it has been completely wonderful over these past few months to be able to read your spiritfull expressions at 'Open Text'.

Oh dear. I think I'm coming down with malaria.

Your humble servant.

MM IIII  

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