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28 February 2006 at 20:52

archduke george

I'm still not sure whether to see Bush's lions-den visit this week (to India, Afghanistan and Pakistan) as heroic or idiotic. With the Middle East exploding in the face of the West, can the world really cope with an assassination?



Meantime, the Madyamikan insurgents are rumoured to have signed a pact with the Shag Islanders, and suddenly I've got a second front offshore.

I am under a lot of stress here, marshalling troops, phoning Kofi, etc., so my posts may be a bit brief and in code.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! The end of the Archduke just freaked me. There you go. One minute you're waving out at the punters and the next you and the missus are both stiffed! I'm prepared to go to champions to save me having to shed my own blood. What do you think? I've got a kundalini disaster to look forward to and don't want to get assassinated. I remember Ernst from zee old days! So keen to help! Hotboy  

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Blogger sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

scary scenario, but then, armageddon has to arrive sooner or later, just have to go with the flow I ges.

(actually I'm stockpiling ammo and food, but don't tell the neighbors)  

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Blogger sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

I found this site and immediately thought of you.

i think somewhere on dildo island lies the key to forging a new and lasting peace for your island, and possibly the world. i hope this helps.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I hope the stress doesn't get to you... take care of yourself!  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - don't you think that'd be the best way to go? I'd be quite happy with a bullet to the back of the head. Skip all the character-building suffering.

IO - you said you were planning to go sailing with your family. Now I understand why. Will you have a few mini-nukes on board? I read that your government has been developing them for some time.

Did you know that UnHeard Island is already twinned with Dildo Island?

LA - thank you.  

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Blogger The Rambling Taoist said...

I'm just glad our shrub of a president isn't here (if only for a short while).  

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Blogger sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

that's just typical. you'd think with a partnership like that there would be no wars or uprisings.

can't we all just get a schlong?  

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Post a Comment

26 February 2006 at 11:37

island embassies closed

Relations between the West UnHeard and East UnHeard Islands reached a new low this week, with the tit-for-tat publication of offensive cartoons. Full story here.


Sources acknowledged.

Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

G'day. Is Shag Island affiliated with the West UnHeard Islands or the East UnHeard Islands? I heard a rumour that there is a separate movement for independence for the Shaggers (presumably that's what they call themselves?).  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Ra bliss versus the stomping around? Once I've perfected my loss of body in ra bliss juju I feel I might be untouchable.
Carsely! |The isle you speak of is my last resort, or where the spiders, and snakes, and scorpions rest in wait, my deep dear friends. Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Oh my! I hope it all balances out in the end!  

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Blogger sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

yo, i'm back  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Carsey, that's all we need - the Shaggers and the Blissers form a pact, and suddenly I've got a second front offshore.

Oh untouchable one - dost thou speak with forked tongue, or is it but a snake?

Lee Ann - I am under a lot of stress here, marshalling troops, phoning Kofi, etc. And now Madyamika wants to make a state visit. He may mean well, but his assassination would be a bit inconvenient. Your good wishes are appreciated.

Oh self-absorbent one, I recognise the bike.  

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Post a Comment

24 February 2006 at 20:46

invasion alert

Light the bonfires! Turn out the sentries! Summon Hotboy from his end of the island, we need to face a common enemy. The island has been invaded by an awesome dictator princess with a ferocious mouth.


Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Don't panic! This isn't a Stalingrad situation! It's probably just one of your cross dressing friends, or someone's dad with a zimmer wanting to gum you in revenge. Keep me posted and I'll try to help as long as there's no fisticuffs involved. I'll shoot anyone if you'll give me the gun! Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Friday evening here. When I clicky on Castle of Nanneburg at your bit, it takes me to the Valentine's Day entry. This happened before. Any helpful ideas? Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Are we talking about the Nanbugg link in my blogroll? I've checked it. It's OK. I've left a suggestion at your place, which should help.  

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Post a Comment

22 February 2006 at 10:38

how many more times

People responded positively to my mention of Led Zeppelin in the last post. I was reminded of a local Edinburgh Led Zep appreciation group, of which I was a member for a few years. This person was our Chief Buyer and Joint Roller. The LP cover was part of his equipment.


The role of Humorist fell to hotboy. He also supplied the music. He only owned 4 LPs - Led Zep I, II, III and IV - and that's the way we liked it. For years I believed his speakers were cheap rubbish, because the drum sound was so cardboard. Recently I bought a copy of Led Zep II on CD, and it sounds just as trashy. Then I remembered reading that the studio had deliberately engineered a rough-sounding acoustic.

Our appreciation society eventually disbanded in disappointment when the fifth album was released. To this day they have never recorded anything else worth listening to, but it doesn't matter, the early albums just go on and on. It's appropriate that the last track on Led Zep 2 is "How Many More Times?"

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wow, that album cover was good for the same thing here in the states. We should take a poll with how many times that album cover has been used for that!!!
One of the very first albums I ever got was Led Zeppelin, House of the Holy.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

So I heard them at the Usher Hall in 1970, I think. I saw the boy in the photie last night. After twenty odd years. Hotboy
p.s. I didn't realise how smart the folk I hung around with were when I was hanging around with them. Nice middle class people. Didn't hit each other, etc. Nice people, shame about the flatheids though! Well, you can't have everything unless you're me. Too bad! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

G'day. Just to the above-right of the Robert Plant lookalike, on the wall - looks like a piccy of Spud Murphy. Could be wrong, though. If its an alien, its definitely Spud.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Carse - you mean the photo of the diseased lung? Poor Spud.  

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Post a Comment

20 February 2006 at 10:24

dying blissfully

Nobody wants to die of bird flu, so everyone's looking for a cure. But there isn't one, so instead hotboy's working on a way of dying happily, it's called Ra Bliss. You chant the same word over and over again - "Susquhanna" - to blot out reality. I don't do meditation, but I like the idea of transcendence through monotonous sound. I find Led Zeppelin works well.

But is it worth trying to die happy? If you've a raging fever, you're coughing blood and drowning in your own fluids, with only hours to live, are you going to feel like meditating? Would you even be able to meditate in that state?

Meanwhile, Hotboy has taken time off from his blisswork and his research on congenital disturbance to set up a money-spinning meditation web site in Edinburgh. The idea seems to be that he appears on webcam chanting "Susquhanna", and hypnotises people to send in their credit card numbers.

He kindly invited me to manage the site and make a fortune, but if I lived in Scotland I'd spend any profits on getting out of my brain, anything to blot out miserable Celtic reality.


Here on UnHeard Island, I can run around naked for 6 months of the year, drink free beer and gaze longingly at naked penguins on the beach. That's why I haven't needed Ra Bliss up to now, but once the penguins here start dropping like flies with the old H5N1, it will only be a matter of time before one of them infects me, and I'll probably start praying to Susquhanna in desperation.

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Love Led Zeppelin. The penguins are adorable.
I don't want to die such a miserable death either.
Oh, the last picture is very sad.
Stay healthy over there!  

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Blogger Stone said...

I love penguins ahh so cute. i wonder if they taste like chicken. (thinking.......)  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I saw Led Zeppelin in 1970. Head banging night! Anyway, what you have to remember about ra bliss is that you've never had any. But if you could suspend breathing at any time and go into ra blissk, then it's got to be a good trick. Also, susquhanna sends you right to hell! It's susquehanna. Got to make the right noises, Adolf! Zeig! Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - I'm not so good on the right noises, but I can usually make the right gestures. I'm making one right now, actually.

Stone - smoked, they're like kippers. The flippers are a delicacy.

LA- thanks for the good wishes.  

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Post a Comment

17 February 2006 at 21:43

historic first medal for UnHeard Of Islands

The UnHeard Of Islands have sent their strongest ever winter olympics team to Italy, and already a medal has been won.

Read the full story here.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Fabulous post! Congrats to the lunger! Also, fantastic shots of the place for the invasion plans, which are now quite advanced. Do you have any satellite photies of weapons of mass destruction, or could you put one together on your computery thing? I'm sure this would help! Hotboy  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

Wonderful news about the medal. Are you planning a formal reception on her return to the island?

MM III  

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Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

G'day Robbo. Your dog seems to have an alergy to vegemite. Rick says it won't do any lasting damage, though, and she'll soon grow in a new coat.

What's her name? She only seems to respond to swear words. Bruce says that now there's obviously no cheyletiella mange (or hair, for that matter), he'll take her on the bus on Sunday. How many stubbies will she need to get her home, do you reckon?  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - there are no known locations of WMDs, but you can take it from me that they are there.

MM - the problem is that the traditional indigenous dophin barbie wouldn't really be grand enough. Have you any suggestions?

Carsley - she's bred for the outback, so one or two stubbies should be enough to rev her up. After that she can cover a lot of ground using urine recyc. I hope that helps.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Technical problems!! Go to Lee Ann from here and you get posts up to Valentine's Day. From work and you get the full monty, posts after Valentine's day, etc. Any ideas about what is going on? Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Yes, I had noticed something similar. My guess it's either due to overloading at blogger (sometimes the whole of blogger goes down), or she's got something funny happening with her account. Or a stalker has got her password and is playing with her head. Have you told her?  

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Post a Comment

16 February 2006 at 16:18

HNT technicality

Sailing and drinking wine in Greece one year, it seemed like a good idea to impress this young lady by putting a cork in my ear.



Some will object that this doesn't really qualify as an HNT, but my ear is half-naked.

If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half naked posts here.

HNT_1



Which blog feed go with, netvibes or bloglines?

Actually, I see that Google already has its own rival feed reader, Google Reader. Someone's done a comparison . They reckon that Bloglines is ahead on features, but remember that Google Reader is still in development.



PS - Lee Ann has some great wee photos over at her place.

Blogger lime said...

LOL, however did she resist you? too cute. happy HNT!  

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Blogger Christa said...

LOL...sounds like one of those "it-seemed-to-be-a-good-idea-at-the-time" happenings :p
Great piccie though :)
Happy HNT!  

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Blogger The Persian said...

wow what an amazing photo..the scenery is breathtaking!

Happy HNT :)  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

How sweet of you to link me!
Rob, that is a great photo. Everyone looks like they are having such a great time. The water, the sun, the tans ... beautiful!
Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Crimson said...

Looks fun! HHNT!  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Having an erection growing out of your ear is a pretty good trick. If it's done by lifting imaginary dumb bells, well, it didn't work for me! Still, got to be a showstopper! That would help a lot! Hotboy  

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Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

G'day Robbo. Is that you with your donger uncovered yet again! You're not setting a good example for Spud. Last time he got his out in front of a sheila, she fainted. He won't tell me why, though.  

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Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

Is that you on the left, Robbo? Or are you the white pointer?  

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Blogger Solitaire said...

Where's the cork now???

HHNT!  

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Post a Comment

14 February 2006 at 10:23

word cloud




Thanks to Lee Ann for the idea of making a word cloud. It sums up my blog, but I should have taken out the word "work."

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

very nice, and i notice your blog seems to be rather i.e. friendly lately, have you gone over to the dark side??  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Good cloud though nothing there about voyeurism, or leidenhosen, or anything at all interesting. Hope this helps with mine! Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I love that!
Happy Valentine's Day Rob!  

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Blogger Heather said...

yeah...work does stick out a bit there now doesnt it?  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - leidenhosen, that's a good word you've coined. It means suffering trousers, or regret-trousers. Freudian or what?

LA - Happy Valentine's day to you too, I know we've already had your valentine's HNT, what can we expect this week?

Heather - should I change my life to match, or re-do the cloud?  

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Post a Comment

12 February 2006 at 09:00

bloglines

Ray ray told me about bloglines.com. I'm suffering a recurrence of RDD just now, so I can't be bothered making a link, but you might like to check it out anyway. You can use it to alert you whenever your favourite websites and blogs are updated, so it could save you a lot of time. And waste a lot more. Everything balances up.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! It's all too complicated! I want a machine I can shout at. Do you think this would help? Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - I did a Ph.D. on machines you can shout at. Take it from me, the novelty wears off. I recommend you try alternating hot and cold showers - that'll get you shouting obscenities, no problem, and it won't cost you anything.

I hope this helps.  

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Blogger sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

funny, I just popped in because my bloglines had notified me of your update.

love it.

hotboy can shout at my machine, it doesn't really respond to such stimulus (stimuli?) but it might make him feel better.

i acidentally gave myself a cold after hot the other day, normally taking the cold one sounds unappealing but it feels surprisingly good when you've just had a hot one. I may have to make it a more regular thing  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Do you think the beer in one way and the RDD out the other balances up? Got to help! Hotboy  

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Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

G'day Robbo,

There's a photo of your dog ordering some amber nectar in a pub at http://www.netvibes.com/ just now. Login (top right) as Carslemane@yahoo.com.au and the password is carslemane9999

If the dog photo has gone when you arrive, try going backwards or forwards to find it.

Via Netvibes, you can also be alerted to new blog entries, of course - just like Bloglines, in a way.

Your mate, Carsley  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I think I will check it out...thanks.  

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Post a Comment

09 February 2006 at 20:26

topical HNT



I posted this picture of a gender-bender buddha yesterday. Last night a molotov cocktail was thrown through my window. A bottle of beer actually. It didn't go off, thank goodness. How was I to know that the prophet of Flat Island has converted half the penguins to buddhist fundamentalism?



About those other cartoons. A wise person said: freedom of speech doesn't give you the right to shout fire in a crowded cinema. I'm still making up my mind about that. But natural cowardice tells me I shouldn't post this link to a site showing about 50 pictures of a certain prophet, including the 15 that are causing all the trouble.

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Love this picture, it is really quite beautiful! Rob, you have a happy HNT!  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say, old chap, the news about the cartoons has even reached Zomba, where there are numerous Muslims. No trouble though.

I shall make a point of being very polite at the Asian shops on Saturday.

MM III  

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Blogger barefoot_mistress said...

I like that HNT! As for that muslim thingy.....well, hmnnn, it's religion, I don't go there, and, if someone posted the same, on the head of Jesus, it wouldn't have phased me one bit. Freedom of speech, yes!

Happy HNT  

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Anonymous Ariella said...

Damn fine looking dog you have.
And stop posting pics of the prophet, dammit, or you are NOT getting your gooey eyed virgin.  

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Blogger Solitaire said...

Thank you for stopping by, HHNT!  

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Blogger Marie said...

Hey! Thanks for stopping by earlier. This is a unique HNT theme...I really love the picture. :)

Happy HNT!  

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Blogger MamaKBear said...

Well, now that's different!

Happy HNT and thanks for stopping by! :)  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say.

You appear to have been 'stopping by' in a lot of places, recently.

MM III  

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Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

G'day Robbo. Do you know why the President of the USA can't afford burgers?  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Thank God for the bomb! Let's nuke them, Adolf! Nuke Tehran. No oil. Billions die. The earth is saved. (especially for people with their own central heating!). It might seem okay for you, but we've got the gulf stream shutting off up here. Aye! Nuke them. Fancy getting into politics, Adolf? We could really make a difference! And help. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

This blog does not endorse violence, not even by a deity in the name of peace.  

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Post a Comment

08 February 2006 at 17:06

blasphemy!

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

I'm deeply offended, but I don't know why.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

RDD maybe?  

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Blogger sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

I think that's why I don't know why I'm offended, but I still don't know why I'm offended.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Now everyone will know what I look like!! Hope you realise that my image is copyright and that anyone who uses it without authorisation owes me ten percent of their income throughout the rest of their natural. Hope this helps you escape the beheaders. Hotboy p.s. the original 100 foot statue on top of Ben Nevis has more impact!  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say old chap,

That image reminds me a bit of the last time I was in the Sudan. I shall hope to post some snaps of Mrs M striding out for the top of a jebel, thereabouts.

MM III  

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Blogger yep, it's me.... said...

genius  

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Blogger Heather said...

Isnt Lego a Danish toy?
Vive LA Revolution!!  

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Post a Comment

at 08:43

respect

Just when I was about to post a drawing, showing the prophet of RaBlissBlog as a psychopath in boxing gloves, Kofi Annan has advised me to "fully respect the religious beliefs and tenets of all religions.”

So instead here's a picture of my dog enjoying some bliss on the grass.



Obviously, if this post results in the burning of an UnHeard Island Consulate somewhere in the world, we'll know I've offended some kind of Let Sleeping Dogs Lie sect, and I'll print an apology.






Weather report - everyone knows that Northern mid-winter is officially around the 23rd of December, but the poor long-suffering people in Europe and USA have still been having dreadful cold. At the same time, the oppressive heat here in the UnHeard Of Islands has been dragging on for months.

Well, this morning there was a hopeful sign for all you Northern Hemispheroids - at last the mercury has plunged here, and overnight this household has gone from fully naked to woolly jumpers. If you've been paying attention recently you'll know that everything balances up, so this should mean you'll be getting some warmer weather where you are.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Did you train your doggie to walk like that, or did it learn it itself? Lies around snorting grass all day, eh? I blame it on the parents myself. Hope he got over the minge. Doesn't look fully recovered somehow. Hope he gets help. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - I had to take another look at the photo to see what you mean. Then I realised you mean mange. Now I'll have to post a retraction of your sexual innuendo, to appease the Dog Sect people. This sensitive publishing thing is getting complicated. Thanks, Kofi.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Cute puppy!!
Here in the southern portion of the states, we are just starting to get the cold weather. We had a lot of ice yesterday. We should get snow flurries tomorrow. I guess we are lucky in comparison to the northern portion of the states where they get inches and inches of snow.  

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Blogger sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

u callin' me a dog?

It's on now.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - Now look what you've done. A fatwa from ray ray.  

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Post a Comment

03 February 2006 at 15:44

21st century syndromes

Until today, I thought the Unheard Islands was a world-class centre of excellence in researching new 21st century diseases. You'll recall that the first few cases of RDD occurred here, though nowadays it's spread all over the world. And I work next door to one of the world's largest clinics for the treatment of NPD.


But we can't really compete with America. Last week I read that they've got an epidemic of alqaedaphobia in the United States, and after years of home security paranoia-mongering, they get applicants for an office job putting in their resume that they are "comfortable wearing safety goggles and rubber gloves."





PS - did we ever find out who did the anthrax envelopes?

Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

G'day Robbo.

"Safety goggles and rubber gloves" eh? Reckon you're a bit slow on the uptake there, mate. That obviously isn't an office job Mara is interviewing for. Aren't those types of places legal in the UnHeard of Islands?

In any case, do you know what a "redonk bimbo" is, by any chance? Spud reckons its a new type of koala, but I'm not so sure.

Also, after seeing your wobbly bits in your HNT 14 post, Spud was wanting to know how much field testing you've been doing, to measure the effect of Brews Eight, Nine and Ten on the old brewer's droop issue.

Have a good 'un.

Carsley  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I don't know if they ever did find out about the anthrax envelopes.
Have a super great weekend Rob!  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Another of my scintillating comments has disappeared. It was all about my narcissistic personality disorder, but I'm so big headed that I'm sure someone is doing it on purpose. To stop my rise to power. A fourth reich? Are they ready yet, mein furhererer? (THis is the implanted trigger! At last!! Our time has come!!) If you were feeling umimportant just now, that might help! Hotboy  

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Blogger Laura said...

You have no email address. Here's a link I loved; you might enjoy it, too:
http://www.postmoderncourtesan.com/archives/000649.php  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Thanks Laura, I did indeed appreciate that link to the postmodern courtesan. She's very articulate.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - I read your link, I didn't delete it so maybe it was at a different post.  

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Anonymous redneck said...

Crossing The Rubicon

The powdered envelopes were merely a warning for congress to do what they were told. The Homeland bill was a-calling... They were evacuated quickly when the powder was around to get their blood pumping... but not evacuated was a-wasted when the birds were heading to Wash-ing-town DC ...to later slam the renovation wing at the Pent-a-gone...  

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Blogger robmcj said...

redneck - I thought I was cynical, but I hadn't thought of that angle.  

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Post a Comment

02 February 2006 at 20:40

HNT 14

Against my better judgement, I have been persuaded to post one of the rude photos from last week's half-naked beer tasting.

This was the view from my side of the table just before we sampled the last bottle.







If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half naked posts here.

HNT_1

Blogger The Rambling Taoist said...

Why half-naked?  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Trey - you're quite right. By that stage in the game, we were actually fully naked. As far as I can remember.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Against your better judgment? Well, it didn't stop you before! If that's what one percent alcohol does to the people across the table, I think you might be on a winner there! Beer that melts your body? Fantastic. Ship a crate round to my side. I've given up giving up now for sure! Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Rob, I love it....that is a great picture!
Happy HNT!  

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Blogger sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

i'm with hotboy, what r u putting in that stuff?  

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